asinglewordwilldo: (Alva Watching)
With Paul gone, on his way to Rhode Island, Alva was free to retire to his office, at least until Evelyn arrived. Sinking down to sit on the first available surface, he rested his elbows on his knees and let his head fall wearily into his hands. all his past, all his *life*, it was the one constant he’d learned to adhere to at all costs, and that was the total obliteration of all doubt in all things. It had no bearing on faith, belief, or even trust...only conviction. Even if he could not be certain of a thing, he could not waste his time and energy in doubting himself or others...he simply had to know that he had no answers, believe it with all his ready to die for the simple truth that he didn’t have a damned clue.

When he heard his mother’s voice among the English ravens in school, doubt had not touched him...he knew he heard that old nickname. He knew he needed more information. He knew he had to find it.

And so the journey doubt, only the certainty that he didn’t know all he needed to. An all-encompassing confidence in all things, even his own flaws, rendered him untouchable. He didn’t second-guess himself, he either proved or disproved his own rationalizations and beliefs, not to mention those of others. That was usually the most entertaining.

For far too long, he’d been certain that interference in the great scheme of things could be a detriment to all involved, especially with the tide shifting as it had been in recent years. That was a lesson he’d learned all too well many years ago, and now again it had been tested with Paul Callan.

His role in things was significant. Crucial...Alva was certain in his heart of hearts that if an apocalyptic event...or, God forbid, the apocalypse itself was eminent, Paul would be a force that could turn the tide in favor, or against humanity.

He thought that objective observation...that remaining passive...was the right thing to do.

But, there was doubt.

April 2009

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