[FM] 15 - Family
Jan. 10th, 2007 01:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
asinglewordwilldoFor far too long, family’s been a somewhat painful, even dismal concept for me. My family life was nothing special to speak of, save for the anarchic state of my childhood. It’s a sad fact that for most of us, it’s all the same...a long and rather brutal string of incidents we wish to God had been different.
I never wanted a family for this reason. I never had aspirations to be a father, or a husband not because I was loathe to tie myself down or had a problem with the position of either...and the fact is that I like children a great deal, especially small children. But I had a rather poor model to put myself against in the form of my own parents.
I didn’t want to fail a child...and in my line of work which, on occasion, can be perilous, I didn’t want to expose a young life to any hope of pain or loss should, God forbid, something happen to me.
Then I met a woman who changed my entire way of thinking. She narrowed the scope of that big picture into a thousand tiny details that delighted and cut to the quick all at once. She put eternity in a snowflake...the essence of truth into something as simple as a cup of coffeeor in my case, tea...sorry, darling, you’ve work yet left to do. She put the cosmic balance of good and evil upon the outcome of a WWF wrestling match while channel surfing, and made it all seem perfectly logical.
She made me realize that my own past wasn’t a hurdle to overcome, but a glorious battle to be waged and won, with no room for defeat. She made me see that pain is beautiful...it’s valuable and precious and a thing to be treasured because it’s a powerful feeling. And even when it hurts so badly you beg for death, pain simply *mustn’t* be avoided, because to miss out on it would be a loss.
And above all else...she taught me that caution is sometimes just another form of fear. The unexpected and the sudden can be magnificent gifts, and should never be treated as anything less.
She’s also my fiancee, and the mother of my child...and she made this newfound family the most unexpected and wonderful gift I could ever have received.
I’m bloody well scared to death. I’ve faced demons and ghosts, human beings with lethal power that have nearly taken me and mine permanently...and nothing’s ever scared me so greatly as this. Creating a new human life, nurturing it...loving anyone, any three people, as much as I do the Gilmore Girls and that baby that Lorelai’s carrying right this very moment.
And I’ll tell you this, sworn upon all I hold dear...I might be terrified, but never in my life have I been *equally* as content. It’s an odd feeling...but I do believe I could grow to enjoy it.
Muse: Alva Keel
Fandom: Miracles
Words: 502
I never wanted a family for this reason. I never had aspirations to be a father, or a husband not because I was loathe to tie myself down or had a problem with the position of either...and the fact is that I like children a great deal, especially small children. But I had a rather poor model to put myself against in the form of my own parents.
I didn’t want to fail a child...and in my line of work which, on occasion, can be perilous, I didn’t want to expose a young life to any hope of pain or loss should, God forbid, something happen to me.
Then I met a woman who changed my entire way of thinking. She narrowed the scope of that big picture into a thousand tiny details that delighted and cut to the quick all at once. She put eternity in a snowflake...the essence of truth into something as simple as a cup of coffee
She made me realize that my own past wasn’t a hurdle to overcome, but a glorious battle to be waged and won, with no room for defeat. She made me see that pain is beautiful...it’s valuable and precious and a thing to be treasured because it’s a powerful feeling. And even when it hurts so badly you beg for death, pain simply *mustn’t* be avoided, because to miss out on it would be a loss.
And above all else...she taught me that caution is sometimes just another form of fear. The unexpected and the sudden can be magnificent gifts, and should never be treated as anything less.
She’s also my fiancee, and the mother of my child...and she made this newfound family the most unexpected and wonderful gift I could ever have received.
I’m bloody well scared to death. I’ve faced demons and ghosts, human beings with lethal power that have nearly taken me and mine permanently...and nothing’s ever scared me so greatly as this. Creating a new human life, nurturing it...loving anyone, any three people, as much as I do the Gilmore Girls and that baby that Lorelai’s carrying right this very moment.
And I’ll tell you this, sworn upon all I hold dear...I might be terrified, but never in my life have I been *equally* as content. It’s an odd feeling...but I do believe I could grow to enjoy it.
Muse: Alva Keel
Fandom: Miracles
Words: 502
